Benidorm. Has it really come to this? Yes, it really has come to this. I never thought I'd end up here. Nor did I ever think I'd find myself hiking up mountains in baking hot sunshine wearing a surgical facemask. Life is like a box of chocolates...
Well, I was in Alicante and Benidorm is only an hour away on the tram, so I thought I might as well check it out. Naturally it's pretty quiet right now. The beaches are of course glorious, when they're empty. There are no gangs of inebriated British morons roaming the streets, because all of the bars are completely closed. Still there are expats, all of a certain age, mostly of a certain BMI index, padding aimlessly along the seafront and - inevitably - discussing house prices. If we ever colonise the Moon, Brits will be there exchanging idle chatter about rental yields in the Sea of Tranquility.
Indeed Benidorm is more British than Britain. Where, back in Blighty, could you hope to find a takeaway called Trotter's Independent Traders? Futile to try and differentiate myself from the herd. I went into a shop that sells British foodstuffs and the girl on the checkout greeted me with "Awight darlin'...". I can never, ever pass for Spanish. My travel tan remains more pink than olive, and it'll take a couple more decades before my hair finishes turning from ginger to grey. Also, in fairness, the contents of my shopping basket were a dead giveaway: one tub of Bisto (my first taste of gravy since September) and...well, see Edd vs Food...
I shall never, ever return here. But it was worth coming. Just for the frozen food.
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| The two beaches are called Poniente and Levante, referring to west and east. The Spanish words mean 'setting' and 'rising' respectively, ie as in the sun. |
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| Hotel Nadal I've heard that the service is excellent... |
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| Both beaches - 3 miles or so in total - seen from the hill at the western end. |
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| Cliffs of the Sierra Helada ('frozen mountain'), on a misty day |
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| Mist rolling in from the sea. Looking down from the big hill to the east. (The hill with the cross on top, for those of you who know Benidorm) |
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| Digs. Bit spartan. Scratchy wi-fi and not much water pressure. |
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| Edd vs Food #101 Ohhhhhhhhhh yeah baby. The instructions say 26 minutes at 220°C, but I like the pastry to be a little bit crunchy, so I increase the temperature slightly and leave it in longer. |
