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| There's no place like home. Even when you're unemployed and homeless. Edd's Travels are now on hold, but will be resumed with a vengeance some time in 2015. Thanks for reading! |
Saturday 8 November 2014
Sunderland, England
Wednesday 5 November 2014
Denver, Colorado (continued)
Marijuana. Cannabis, grass, hash, dope, draw, weed, green, Mary Jane, chronic, cheeba, da sheeeeet. Available freely to buy and own, courtesy of that august and reverend body of men and women, the voters of Colorado. Strictly speaking, you still can't smoke it in public; but as far as obstacles go, that's not exactly Beecher's Brook.
The ballot measure was signed into law by Governor John Hickenlooper, who is not just a politican but also the co-founder of the Wynkoop brewery (see Edd vs Food in last blog) and Denver's first brewpub. A strong contrast with the Lilliputians back home. What have Cameron or Clegg or Millipede ever done in the real world? As for the wider effects of legalisation, well, as far as I can tell Colorado is much the same as it was, except that the rake-off from the marijuana trade now gets paid in taxes rather than going to mass murdering Mexican psychopaths. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
You can buy the stuff in a number of different places, and in any form, from resin & grass to cakes & pre-rolled 'blunts'. (By the way did I mention that I went to a Hallowe'en fancy dress party? All I could find at short notice was a ghost-themed 'Despicable Me' T-shirt. There were numerous zombies and also one of the barmaids was there as Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, complete with nosebleed and syringe sticking out of her chest. One woman even came as 'Sharknado'. That costume's kind of hard to describe, but it worked.) It's not too expensive and of course the cakes are a bit easier to get away with consuming somewhere you technically shouldn't be consuming them. (Also I forgot to mention that I visited the Coors brewery, in a town called Golden just outside Denver; it's the biggest single-site brewery in the world and frankly it looks more like a nuclear power station than a brewery. They churn out all kinds of undrinkable effluent there, but they also make Blue Moon so all is forgiven.) Where was I? Oh yes, hash cakes. I'm easily distracted right now because there's a guy sitting near me who frankly I don't trust at all. His eyes are too close together. His green sneakers surely bespeak evil intent. You can't be too careful in Denver and anyway this chair's way too uncomfortable to sit still on. The sofa's a bit better. It's still noisy but I don't know where the noises are coming from and nobody else seems to be hearing them. My thumbs have gone weird. I think I need to eat some sugar or something. Actually I could eat just about anything right now. Apart from this last pot cake. It's marshmallow flavour and the guy at the shop said they were good microwaved but I'm concerned that if I microwave it then it'll expand into a big Michelin Man monster like from Ghostbusters and then it'll squish me and turn Sigourney Weaver into a dog. I would go and microwave some soup, but it's right over the other side of the room and I don't think I can actually stand up at this precise moment. But I need to get up because if I don't then they'll all come and get me. All of them. What if weed's been criminalised again? I could be deported or go to jail. No, that's not likely. I think I have diplomatic immunity. I love burritos. And this sofa is getting really comfortable now. It' s making me feel sleepy. Must be all that walking I did earlier. Things To Do In Denver When You're Edd, ha ha ha. Soup can wait. I'll be safe having a little sleep because there's no-one here except that pleasant chap with the green sneakers and he's a really good mate of mine. Haven't spoken to him yet but clearly he's alright. He looks like he has a happy soul. Denver's a nice place. Did I mention it's been called the Mile High City for years because of the altitude? Now they could still use that name even if the altitude changed or something and it went like down to sea level or something. Cos everybody would still be a mile high ha ha. Although if there was a volcano earthquake combo type thing and it went up to ten thousand feet then it would be the Two Mile High City and that wouldn't be as good. There's a guy in the bunk below me who listens to drum & bass music all day and all night. He says he used to weigh 400lbs but lost half of it just by dancing to drum & bass. Earphones in 24/7. His feet twitch in his sleep and he dances down the street when he's walking. Sort of like the American version of Dave the Rave. If you're not from Sunderland then you won't know who Dave the Rave is. You should come to Sunderland and check him out. Him and Ernie the Bag Man. Is my soup ready? Oops no I haven't opened the tin yet. There's a beeping noise but that's my alarm clock going off with some kind of reminder. Something about an airport and a taxi. Who takes a plane to the taxi rank? Weird. I don't care. I'm hungry and I want cheese.
The ballot measure was signed into law by Governor John Hickenlooper, who is not just a politican but also the co-founder of the Wynkoop brewery (see Edd vs Food in last blog) and Denver's first brewpub. A strong contrast with the Lilliputians back home. What have Cameron or Clegg or Millipede ever done in the real world? As for the wider effects of legalisation, well, as far as I can tell Colorado is much the same as it was, except that the rake-off from the marijuana trade now gets paid in taxes rather than going to mass murdering Mexican psychopaths. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
You can buy the stuff in a number of different places, and in any form, from resin & grass to cakes & pre-rolled 'blunts'. (By the way did I mention that I went to a Hallowe'en fancy dress party? All I could find at short notice was a ghost-themed 'Despicable Me' T-shirt. There were numerous zombies and also one of the barmaids was there as Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, complete with nosebleed and syringe sticking out of her chest. One woman even came as 'Sharknado'. That costume's kind of hard to describe, but it worked.) It's not too expensive and of course the cakes are a bit easier to get away with consuming somewhere you technically shouldn't be consuming them. (Also I forgot to mention that I visited the Coors brewery, in a town called Golden just outside Denver; it's the biggest single-site brewery in the world and frankly it looks more like a nuclear power station than a brewery. They churn out all kinds of undrinkable effluent there, but they also make Blue Moon so all is forgiven.) Where was I? Oh yes, hash cakes. I'm easily distracted right now because there's a guy sitting near me who frankly I don't trust at all. His eyes are too close together. His green sneakers surely bespeak evil intent. You can't be too careful in Denver and anyway this chair's way too uncomfortable to sit still on. The sofa's a bit better. It's still noisy but I don't know where the noises are coming from and nobody else seems to be hearing them. My thumbs have gone weird. I think I need to eat some sugar or something. Actually I could eat just about anything right now. Apart from this last pot cake. It's marshmallow flavour and the guy at the shop said they were good microwaved but I'm concerned that if I microwave it then it'll expand into a big Michelin Man monster like from Ghostbusters and then it'll squish me and turn Sigourney Weaver into a dog. I would go and microwave some soup, but it's right over the other side of the room and I don't think I can actually stand up at this precise moment. But I need to get up because if I don't then they'll all come and get me. All of them. What if weed's been criminalised again? I could be deported or go to jail. No, that's not likely. I think I have diplomatic immunity. I love burritos. And this sofa is getting really comfortable now. It' s making me feel sleepy. Must be all that walking I did earlier. Things To Do In Denver When You're Edd, ha ha ha. Soup can wait. I'll be safe having a little sleep because there's no-one here except that pleasant chap with the green sneakers and he's a really good mate of mine. Haven't spoken to him yet but clearly he's alright. He looks like he has a happy soul. Denver's a nice place. Did I mention it's been called the Mile High City for years because of the altitude? Now they could still use that name even if the altitude changed or something and it went like down to sea level or something. Cos everybody would still be a mile high ha ha. Although if there was a volcano earthquake combo type thing and it went up to ten thousand feet then it would be the Two Mile High City and that wouldn't be as good. There's a guy in the bunk below me who listens to drum & bass music all day and all night. He says he used to weigh 400lbs but lost half of it just by dancing to drum & bass. Earphones in 24/7. His feet twitch in his sleep and he dances down the street when he's walking. Sort of like the American version of Dave the Rave. If you're not from Sunderland then you won't know who Dave the Rave is. You should come to Sunderland and check him out. Him and Ernie the Bag Man. Is my soup ready? Oops no I haven't opened the tin yet. There's a beeping noise but that's my alarm clock going off with some kind of reminder. Something about an airport and a taxi. Who takes a plane to the taxi rank? Weird. I don't care. I'm hungry and I want cheese.
Monday 3 November 2014
Denver, Colorado
And so I'm back where it all began, two months ago, except that now I'm actually staying in downtown Denver rather than just driving or flying through. For the first time in about six weeks I'm feeling cool fresh breezes, and I'm loving it. The sun's still shining, though. This is the first time I've been in the USA for autumn, or 'fall' I should say, and at this time of year the low-lying sun and the leaves on the ground are every bit as picturesque, in their own way, as the height of summer.
Denver is a proper city but it's not too big and it's pretty nice; perhaps not destined for my top 5 US cities, but probably in the top 10. Unfortunately there are no real youth hostels, and so in order to stay downtown without spending a fortune on hotels, I've ended up in a bit of a flophouse. My dorm room smells like a dead tramp's underpants. At least there are some good second-hand bookshops a few blocks to the south on Broadway. And of course it's the craft beer capital of the USA.
Today's blog contains the slightly momentous event of only the second-ever 'selfie' photo to appear herein. (The first was me with Libby Kennedy off of Neighbours, in my blog from Erinsborough last April. I can still remember her tears on my shoulder when I left.) About fifteen seconds after I left my Sunderland studio flat for the last time, to catch the Metro to the airport - having posted the keys through the letterbox and thus become officially of no fixed address - I saw the Google Street View van trundling past, and you see the results below. That's me in my red Coca-Cola T-shirt; the backpack straps are visible on my shoulder.
Anyway, as the shadows lengthen and my thoughts turn to home, perhaps it's time for a few retrospective summaries of my trip:
CITIES
Savannah definitely takes first place, with Memphis, Houston, Nashville and Denver earning honourable mentions. I liked New Orleans, but not so much that I'd particularly want to go back.
STATES
The Good: Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennesse, Alabama, Georgia, Texas
The Bad and the Ugly: Florida
NATIONAL PARKS
All great, but Zion takes the laurel wreath of victory. Truly magical.
EDD VS FAST FOOD
Very disappointing on the whole, apart from Quiznos, who I'd like to see expand into the UK. Subway only do two sizes of sub, but Quiznos do three. Because when 6" isn't quite enough, and 12" is perhaps too much, 8" should be just about right.
Please note - in spite of all the above, don't think this is the last blog of my trip. I have one more thing to indulge in before I leave Colorado...
Denver is a proper city but it's not too big and it's pretty nice; perhaps not destined for my top 5 US cities, but probably in the top 10. Unfortunately there are no real youth hostels, and so in order to stay downtown without spending a fortune on hotels, I've ended up in a bit of a flophouse. My dorm room smells like a dead tramp's underpants. At least there are some good second-hand bookshops a few blocks to the south on Broadway. And of course it's the craft beer capital of the USA.
Today's blog contains the slightly momentous event of only the second-ever 'selfie' photo to appear herein. (The first was me with Libby Kennedy off of Neighbours, in my blog from Erinsborough last April. I can still remember her tears on my shoulder when I left.) About fifteen seconds after I left my Sunderland studio flat for the last time, to catch the Metro to the airport - having posted the keys through the letterbox and thus become officially of no fixed address - I saw the Google Street View van trundling past, and you see the results below. That's me in my red Coca-Cola T-shirt; the backpack straps are visible on my shoulder.
Anyway, as the shadows lengthen and my thoughts turn to home, perhaps it's time for a few retrospective summaries of my trip:
CITIES
Savannah definitely takes first place, with Memphis, Houston, Nashville and Denver earning honourable mentions. I liked New Orleans, but not so much that I'd particularly want to go back.
STATES
The Good: Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennesse, Alabama, Georgia, Texas
The Bad and the Ugly: Florida
NATIONAL PARKS
All great, but Zion takes the laurel wreath of victory. Truly magical.
EDD VS FAST FOOD
Very disappointing on the whole, apart from Quiznos, who I'd like to see expand into the UK. Subway only do two sizes of sub, but Quiznos do three. Because when 6" isn't quite enough, and 12" is perhaps too much, 8" should be just about right.
Please note - in spite of all the above, don't think this is the last blog of my trip. I have one more thing to indulge in before I leave Colorado...
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| City & County Building, seen from the balcony of the State Capitol building |
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| This is the Yard House, which advertises itself as having the world's largest selection of draft beers. I have no reason to doubt them. The taps go right down the other side of the bar as well. |
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| Two Lamborghinis and two Ferraris, all available for hire. Very nice...but if I was the owner of Mile High Drives, I think I'd park them in a garage. |
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| Edd vs Food #21 Denver fries (although they don't call it that here, it's just fries) at Jonesy's. A double order: half with bacon mac & cheese, half with buffalo wing sauce & blue cheese. Washed down with a pint of Wynkoop Patty's Chile Beer (it does actually taste like peppers). |
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| Edd vs Fast Food #6 Dairy Queen As the name suggests, they originally specialised in ice cream. They now also sell burgers & stuff too. Mediocre at best though. You can buy a better hot dog at any street stall, and the ice cream comes a distant second to a McFlurry. |
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| He's Leaving Home...bye, bye... Google Street View capturing the very beginning of this trip, August 31st 2014. My front door is just round the corner behind me. See the original here. |
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