At 8am a bus arrived and took me to South Beach. While waiting to check in, I watched Estonia v England on my netbook in the nearest McDonalds. Naturally one is obliged to make a token purchase when hijacking their wi-fi: mine was a McMuffin meal. And then a chilli chicken wrap. And then a McFlurry. (In the circumstances described above, I think I was entitled to a bit of comfort food. Also I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I actually like just about everything McDonalds sell, with the obvious exception of the burgers and the fries).
After a much-needed sleep I went out for an early evening walk to the beachfront. Impressions of Miami from the first five minutes: an obviously gay man pushing a baby stroller containing only a puppy; a hipster wearing earphones and texting while on a skateboard being pulled along by his dog; a brand-new Rolls-Royce convertible on the back of a tow-truck. I took a picture of the latter and was rehearsing a witty caption about the tow fees probably not being a problem, but then I realised it was being delivered, not towed.
It's very hot, and my speed-eating skills have come in useful because ice creams don't last two minutes under the sun here. I got up early to watch that sun rise over the east-facing South Beach on my second morning here (my first morning was lost in a fog of puke-stained hangover).
At first, Miami struck me as more refined and much cleaner than I'd expected. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting. Probably some kind of turbo-charged Whitley Bay; a Blackpool on steroids. But the good impression didn't last. Posing seems to be the order of the day here. People drive convertibles round and round the block just to see who notices them. And there's a young chap in my hostel, in town for a modelling shoot, who does not appear to possess a single item of upper-body clothing. Admittedly if I looked like that, which is to say, if I was carved from bronze-tinted marble, I'd probably take the same approach.
The main drinking area is Ocean Drive, which looks out over South Beach. Endless crowds of people who are neither rich nor beautiful, pretending to be both, and spending fortunes in the process. It's loud, crude, vulgar, seedy and false. There are better places to drink further inland, but not many.
For people who like hot humid weather and loud noise and nightclubbing, Miami is perfect. For me personally, it's the eighth circle of hell. I won't be leaving the way I arrived, because after that fiasco, me and Amtrak are having a trial separation: a 'conscious uncoupling', if you will. (Trains? Coupling? Geddit? Never mind.) I now have a gleaming white Nissan Altima 2.5S with a full tank of gas, at 50p a litre by the way, and I'm outta here.
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| Downtown Miami |
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| The main beaches in Miami are on a small island which is called Miami Beach. Technically it's a separate city to Miami itself. |
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| The sun, newly risen over South Beach...behind some clouds. Stupid clouds. |
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| Edd vs Fast Food #5 Chick-Fil-A Miserably small serving of chicken nuggets. Doesn't even compare with KFC. How hard can it be to compare with KFC? Epic fried chicken fail. |
